“Waiting is an inescapable part of life in this world. One of the hardest times to wait is during the night, if you’re having trouble sleeping. As the darkness drags on while you’re watching for the first rays of sunlight, you can identify with watchmen waiting for the morning. However, no matter how long the night may feel, dawn eventually comes. Since I created an orderly world, you can count on the rising of the sun… Just as the night sometimes seems terribly long, yet always ends in dawn, so your journey through this world—no matter how long and hard it seems—will definitely end in Glory!” – Jesus Today by Sarah Young

I don’t know if it’s because I have undiagnosed ADHD, the willful inability to focus on one task for more than an hour, or the scapegoat fact that I’m a millennial, but I suck at waiting.

I’d be the first to admit that I’m an inpatient person; I like constant forward progression, and recently I’ve been feeling rather stagnant. My progression that I experienced the past 18 years of my life (kindergarten through college graduation), has come to an abrupt halt. I came up with monthly goals to keep myself motivated to continue to work towards something (I’m not a fan of New Year’s resolutions, but I do like having something to cross off a list.)

goals

Admittedly, I absolutely hated my last semester of college. I didn’t agree with my professor’s pedagogy, my closest friends had moved away, I hated coding (yet I had to learn three new coding languages in 4 months). It was hell. I have never felt more relieved than the feeling I experienced walking out of my last final. Ugh. However, at least in college I was working towards something: graduation.

Well now what?

Am I supposed to start my dream career, marry my dream man, buy my dream house, etc? Nope. Instead I’m stuck figuring out how to pay off my student loan debt, hating my first job, and waiting on my boyfriend to propose to me.

Career

Well, 2017 started out with a new job. As I said in prior blogs, I decided to start my career working as a senior project specialist in the banking industry. It’s an odd arrangement: My immediate manager is based out of Denver, Colorado; his manager is out of NYC; and his manager is an office away from mine. Therefore, I spend a lot of my time on the phone.

So far, I have set up and attended more phone meetings than I ever thought possible, answered emails, spent an obscene amount of time on the phone with the help desk, attended hours worth on online trainings, and learned very little.

I can’t help but compare this experience to my internship this past summer. That internship was only two short months long, and I learned far more in my first week of training than I have in my first month here. I don’t feel welcomed, I was the one that had to go out of my way to introduce myself to the other employees sitting near me, my cube still doesn’t have my name on it, the gentleman that sits across from me is rudely sarcastic about absolutely everything, everyone here is significantly older than me (i.e. no happy hours or team building events), and worst of all, there is no culture on my floor. No one talks to one another!

But the question is, how long do I wait before I start looking for other jobs? How much time do I invest into learning MS Project, if I don’t even want to be a project manager?

Money

Student loan debt is a fun topic… not. I have $19,000 in debt, and interest starts accruing April 1st, 2017. It’s kind of sickening that I still have that amount of debt, even though it’s all from my first year at the University of Minnesota. I had to transfer from my dream school in order to live more responsibly and take out less debt, and I still have an insane amount of debt.

My goal is to live frugally (I have always led a simple life, so living with the immediate intention of paying off debt shouldn’t be that much of a change for me), and make regular payments before allowing interest payments to consume me financially.

Engagement

This one’s the hardest one by far. As I’ve mentioned before, Josh and I live together. Some friends have asked me what it’s like living with him, and I have two answers for that:

  1. It’s amazing. He’s the best roommate I’ve ever had, he’s my best friend, it allows us to see each other more, we live so close to both of our offices and the airport, etc. He does his dishes, he cleans up after himself, he makes me food, he encourages me, I could go on an on.
  2. It’s hard. I don’t know why he’s waiting so long to propose to me 😦 I wish we would have waited until we were engaged to actually live together.

It’s a double-standard! We decided that living together would make the most sense because he is so rarely home: he’s an accountant and their busy season is basically January 1 – April 15. He travels out of town almost every week. When he is home, he leaves for work before I get up, and usually doesn’t return home until after 7pm.

However, when I expressed my reservations about living with him in the first place, he told me he’d propose within the first month of living together… well that was back in October. We’ve lived together in the cities for over a month now too.

My main guess would be because he’s so busy. He works an insane amount, and barely has a minute to relax; I foresaw this happening.

Still, it’s not easy to just sit around and wait for him to drop to a knee and ask me those four words. He knows what my answer is going to be!

Faith

During my time in Eau Claire in college, I never found a church that I could wholly connect with. Thankfully, that searching and waiting paid off; Josh and I found a church to call home: Grace Church. We’ve been regularly attending for about two months now, and I absolutely love it.

Last week, I had the opportunity to volunteer cleaning up the building on Saturday morning. I met some amazing people, and formed wonderful connections with several of the other volunteers.

This week, Josh and I are attending a Next Steps class towards membership at the church. I’m really excited to learn more about the church, and establish roots in our new community.

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.” —Psalm 130:5–6

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