A few weeks ago, one of my facebook friends posted a link to an article on Thought Catalog. I read it, and thought it had a lot of valuable information about the kind of guy every girl should wait for.
I’m a firm believer in never settling. What’s the point of living a life filled with regret?
My cousin finally ended her near-five-year relationship with her boyfriend. Not that it matters what I think, but I never liked him. He treated he like shit, acted like an immature child, and just wasn’t a good fit for her.
I can’t even begin to count the number of times she called me in tears (all revolving around something he had/hadn’t done.) Five years of multiple calls about someone treating your cousin like a feral cat doesn’t exactly make you think this dude’s a quality guy.
Cue last weeks call from Samantha: “He literally told me he doesn’t love me anymore.”
Ouch. No one wants to hear that.
Don’t get me wrong, I love Samantha. The reason I get so upset about that relationship is because no one liked her boyfriend. No one. Her parents weren’t huge fans, she knows I didn’t like him, and other friends have told her she could do better.
I also know, she DESERVES better. She has an incredible heart, she’s overwhelmingly compassionate, loving, and caring, but sometimes I want to clock her over the head to knock some sense into her! He was her first real boyfriend and they started dating in high school. She didn’t really get to branch out and meet other guys during college because she was this this guy for so long.
Honestly, I just want her to first focus on herself, and figure out what makes her Samantha. Not that I should get on my soapbox and proclaim the 5-steps to successful relationships, but I do have a pretty amazing relationship with Josh. Wouldn’t this world be so much more bearable if every girl had someone like Josh?
So in the wake of Samantha breakup, I thought of a couple things that worked for Josh and I, and I hope that someday Samantha will find someone just as incredible as my Josh:
- Focus on yourself: first and foremost, you have to do you. There’s no way you can be in a successful relationship without first knowing yourself. If you’re overly dependent on your significant other, you’ll hopefully quickly realize that it isn’t sustainable.
- Fish: Test the waters! There’s nothing wrong with having a couple flings, or not marrying the first person you date, (in fact, I’d highly discourage marrying the first person you date) after all, dating is pretty fun.
- Flounder: Experience the heartbreak, feel the pain, then pick up the pieces and come out stronger than you were going into the relationship in the first place.
- Facilitate communication: If something’s bothering you, talk about it. Yes, Josh does have the uncanny ability to read my mind, but most guys don’t. In fact, most guys are rather clueless. If they say something that irritates you, or rubs you the wrong way, tell them! They’ll never know what they did wrong if you don’t tell them.
- Find someone you actually enjoy being with, and are excited to spend the rest of your life with: Dating shouldn’t be that hard. In fact, dating Josh is by far the easiest thing I’ve ever done.
Josh is without a doubt the most remarkable man I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. He is so genuine, patient, loving, and fun. My love for him overshadows any slight nuance he may have. It’s my hope that girls never feel like they’ll never find someone better than the current scum she’s with. I had a prior relationship with a guy that used manipulation to make me believe that I’d never find someone like him (and thank goodness I didn’t), and I’m sure Samantha’s ex used something similar on her. As sad and hard as it is, there are good guys out there! Stay strong, chin up, and press on. It’s worth waiting for!
I can’t imagine how vastly different my life would be if I would have settled for a prior relationship. Thankfully I waited for the man that:
- Surprises me with a blanket fort in the middle of the living room
- Reassures me after a stressful week, and encourages me no matter how irrational I’m being
- Pushes aside the furniture, lights a candle, tells me to put on a dress just so he can dance with me
- Takes a week off of work so we can spend time together before I start a new job
- Ensures I’m taking care of myself
- Genuinely makes me want to be a better person
- Is excited about a future with me
- Makes me a priority
- Introduces me to new experiences, and encourages me to try new things
- Is confident enough in himself, to inspire me to grow in my own self-confidence
I’ll stop before this list gets too long 🙂 Trust me though, it’s most CERTAINLY worth the wait.